Teepee Time

 I've said many times that the time I spent with Jeremy in our teepee was the best time of my life.

I still say that. It wasn't at all just teepee. It was our whole life then. 

In retrospect it was a lot of just magic. Not only in retrospect,  I was very aware of it at the time.

We only had each other. All of Jeremy's friends had turned out to be real dicks. No other word. My family had ALL disowned me. 

Ok. I'll admit that hurt. A Lot.  Jami and Jess came for Mom's funeral and didn't say a single word to me.  Jeremy had a blow dart gun and we made a target with my family names all over it and I blew off steam and anger shooting at them all. Silly, but it helped. 

I told Jeremy that I wish I had a teepee and the next day he built one at the back of Barefoot's property. He used 24 foot metal poles, rebar maybe? and he covered then with big canvas sheets, discarded painter's drop cloths that he found. There was a fire pit in the center and we used scrap lumber we gathered to make a floor inside. 10 people could sit around the fire. Jeremy put a metal rack over the fire so we could set cooking pots on it to cook food or heat bath water. Then Jeremy cut a big plastic barrel lengthwise to make a bath tub. 

It was a dreamlike life. We spent part of each day gathering fire wood and then we took a large cart Jeremy found to the apartment complexes around us searching for discarded things we could sell or sometimes fix and sell. There was a big gravel driveway at the front of the property and we set up a resale business there. I was also growing a lot of plants that we would sell. Then we got a big boost when a dollar store right behind the property went out of business and they put all of their leftover merchandise in a pile behind the store. We took all of it. It was a fun  and lucrative little business until the police came and we were cited for running a business without a license and told to shut down in one week. We sort of complied.  We moved everything out of site from the street and took down our signs and still did some business with mostly our regular customers. 

We walked everywhere at first and I'm talking miles and miles to get to the free clinics, stores and the blood bank.  Jeremy was selling blood 2 to 3 times a week. It was wonderful when we were able to get  bicycles! Houston is mostly flat so the wind was our worst enemy. And disrespectful car drivers. Those were sometimes terrifying. 

We paid neighbors to use their water and electricity when we needed it and could afford it. 

It was just the two of us in our own little world. 

I wish it could have lasted longer! In retrospect, I often wish,  or at least wonder what would have happened,  if I refused to take them back.  If I had just stayed in that happy bubble with Jeremy in Texas. He definitely would have been happier.  Maybe me too?? I wouldn't know any of the grandchildren but I wouldn't know what I was missing either.  And,  if I am honest,  Jessalynn and Lindsey both cut me deep and wide and Joey tried to. Jenise, Robby and Riley never have - I wouldn't have their amazing love, but I wouldn't know I was missing it. Jess has kicked me, tried to have me arrested and thrown out, Jami had hurt me a dozen ways and even broke my neck and Jeanette has stomped on me so hard it almost obliterated me.  And I destroyed what Jeremy and I had to come back and be with them.  Almost destroyed Jeremy.  

I don't even remember how or when but my daughters started talking to me. None of them Ever apologized for shutting me out, they all began like nothing had happened and I let them. That has always been and still is the way it is with all 3 of them.  I let them because I usually just want them back.  That doesn't mean that I completely forgive and forget!! but mostly I always wonder WHY. I've never known.  Why did they shut me out after Steve walked out?? Obviously,  they decided that it was all my fault somehow,  but even so,  that shouldn't mean they shut me out completely.  

But this isn't supposed to be about them.  That can go in their places.  This is for Jeremy. 

They don't really belong in this story except that I let them end our beautiful life. 

I don't know if I would have survived my whole family shutting me out of their lives without Jeremy. I know that's why Mom made me swear I would stay with Jeremy forever before she died. She couldn't bear the thought of me being alone in the world. Mom said "You choose bad men to be with. Now I will choose for you and you will listen. Jeremy will never leave you. I see faithfulness in his eyes." Mom loved Jeremy for loving me. 

It's been 21 years and Jeremy is still with me.