Jeremy

 I've said many times that the time I spent with Jeremy in our teepee was the best time of my life. I still say that. It wasn't at all just teepee. It was our whole life then.  In retrospect it was a lot of just magic. Not only in retrospect,  I was very aware of it at the time. We only had each other. All of Jeremy's friends had turned out to be real dicks. No other word. My family had ALL disowned me.  Ok. I'll admit that hurt. A Lot.  Jami and Jess came for Mom's funeral and didn't say a single word to me.  Jeremy had a blow dart gun and we made a target with my family names all over it and I blew off steam and anger shooting at them all. Silly, but it helped.  I told Jeremy that I wish I had a teepee and the next day he built one at the back of Barefoot's property. He used 24 foot metal poles, rebar maybe? and he covered then with big canvas sheets, discarded painter's drop cloths that he found. There was a fire pit in the center and we used scrap ...

Here I will print the journals I have about meeting and the first years of our relationship. I started this years ago.  Ok. I very likely don't have, won't find, those journals. I do want to say something about those first years here.  Our beginning wasn't a Love Story. At least I didn't know it was. I remember one Big Moment that I realized that we were a Love Story. That's what I want to be sure I tell if nothing else. We had been together off and on about a year, maybe longer? Barefoot was already in jail and I'm pretty sure I had already lost Mom.  I was arrested, I was arrested twice in Texas.  I think this first time it was an unpaid ticket. Wow, my memory sucks!! That's why I need to write this now But I doubt I will EVER forget this. I was taken to Harris County jail. There are so many being processed into County Jail in Houston that it can take days. Days of being confined in a large cement room with 10 to 50 other waiting women.  I knew I wouldn...

I want to I want to know who instilled the shame and Jeremy about having epilepsy. Not just who, I want to know what was said, what was Done, that makes him ashamed of having Epilepsy. Yesterday I arranged for someone to give Jeremy a ride to pick up his medicine that was at a pharmacy on the other side of town because his car has some issues and is not currently legal to drive because the plates are expired and it has no insurance. I was in the kitchen and Jeremy came in just off the top angry at me asking me why would I embarrass him by having somebody else drive him! I was just stunned I didn't know what he was talking about until I realized he thought I would had arranged the ride because of his epilepsy and the brain injuries that make him a less than great driver. I told him that I had not said anything about his mental conditions and that I had only asked because the plates on his car are expired.  This is just the last of many episodes I have had with Jeremy about his epile...

I dont know if Jeremy will get out of this one. He not only has evey adult in the house angry  but it looks like everyone just hates him. I've written about his good qualities.  His bad ones pretty much nullify them completely lately. Sadly, ALL of the things I once admired about him, all the reasons I chose him for a partner, are just gone.  It's a bad combination of things. One, he really thinks he's better than Everyone. Seriously. He will SAY it in detail if asked. One of his big issues is that he doesn't get the respect he deserves for being better. The entitlement. Two, he has a bad temper that has been off the charts. Three, he seems to be more and more mentally challenged.  Is that still the proper was to say that?? Not long ago when he blew up at Jami over BS his face was not only suffused with Rage but he had a low brow neanderthal look that was disturbing to say the least. I know Neanderthal just sounds mean but I dont know any nice way to describe it. But...

What I already wrote here wasn't really about Jeremy. My tendancy to waunder and ramble leads me astray.   Jeremy is both a very simple and a very complicated person.  First, Who He Is was altered by brain damage as a child. He had a head injury, possibly two head injuries,  that damaged his right frontal lobe causing epilepsy. Then there had likely been more damage from the grand mall seizures. On top of that, his mother did drugs including LSD during pregnancy and he was severely abused growing up.  Jeremy, the Basic Person he is, is a beautiful soul. That was all my mother saw when she looked at him. When she chose him for me. Sadly you don't see it very often any more, but Jeremy's eyes are honest and full of heart. My family have pretty much beat that out of him for the last 19 years but I can still see it. That is terrible. From Jami and Mikey throwing him out while I was in the hospital, making him cry telling him he Wasn't Family to Jeanette spitting in ...

Jeremy was a happy go lucky guy when I met him who unsuccessfully hid years of physical and mental abuse with a Devil may care attitude.    He did everything he could think of to prove he was a real Man while desperately trying to hide that he has Epilepsy.  I doubt he had ever experienced unconditional love except from a grandmother,  his Nana, who he had too little time with. He not only didn't believe in God, he knew Nothing of God other than to frequently state that God hated him. He proclaimed that "Satan Rules" with no concept of that statement either. How could he?? I tried to protect him from being around what I know my family can be but then wrongly acted like he was getting what he asked for when he insisted on returning to Omaha with me. I Knew what my daughters could be like. He really didn't except he knew about how they had treated Me.  And that was partly why he insisted on coming with me. He thought he could still protect me from their hatred. Wh...